so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
