I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Do vagina's smell?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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