So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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