do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
