how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
