You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just saw a hot homeless man
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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