I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize