Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
How's work?
Spinning.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
