My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
