I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
