May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Randomize
