weddingsv make me drug and hornr
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You can't just leave with hair like that
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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