It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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