I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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