Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
