We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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