It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
