Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
COCAINE IS GR8
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
