Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
