Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
