I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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