every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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