why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
