If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
