I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
