Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
This girl is more easily done than said...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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