I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
