I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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