He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
