I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Say something about gay babies.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
