I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
