Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
