who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
