grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
