I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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