Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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