he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
