this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
