so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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