So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
