i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
