Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
