If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Randomize
