I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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