life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
