just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
