doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
