You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
