kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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