literally had 100 drinks last night.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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