Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
