if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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