some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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