I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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