I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
