who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
