would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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