i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
