I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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