you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
