i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
