I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
