My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
