...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
