Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
