Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
