Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
