I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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