I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
im six kinds of drunk right now
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
