who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
