i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
And then he peed in my hair
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