hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
